


Kris Allen and the Giant Squid, or How the Forest at Hogwarts Became Forbidden

by poppetawoppet



Category: American Idol RPF, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Crack, Crossover, M/M, almost tentacle porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-14
Updated: 2011-01-14
Packaged: 2018-04-19 14:04:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4749101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppetawoppet/pseuds/poppetawoppet





	Kris Allen and the Giant Squid, or How the Forest at Hogwarts Became Forbidden

The first thing Kris Allen did at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was fall into the lake.

 

It isn't really his fault. He's transferred from the Midwest Academy of Magic, so someone directs him to go with the first years. But the groundskeeper yells at him to go with the rest of the students, Kris is almost of age anyway, so Kris steps out of the boat just as it begins to move.

And falls into the lake.

Something pushes him out. Kris turns and sees the giant squid briefly before it disappears.

"Thanks," he says.

_You're welcome_

"Did you hear that?" Kris says, but he's talking to empty space.

*

He's put into Hufflepuff. Not because he's sorted or anything, but because Hufflepuffs take pretty much everyone and frankly, he only has a year left. Kris doesn't care, because he fits in just fine. He thinks he'd have made a pretty cool Gryffindor, but he doesn't complain.

The prefect, Cynthia, asks him all sorts of questions, and Kris can see where she's going immediately.

He doesn't have the heart to tell her that he's really not into girls.

His window faces the lake, and Kris wonders if he should tell anyone that he can talk to the squid.

He thinks not. It's nice to have something to himself.

*

Kris is actually a pretty good wizard. He's no Dumbledore, or Grindewald, or Elphaba, but he is passable.

He especially likes Transfiguration. Not just because Dumbledore teaches it. Kris just likes the idea of changing things around.

When they discuss Animagi, though, Kris realizes maybe he wants to change himself.

"Remember the most important part of changing into something else is knowing ourselves first. It is the most important place to start," Dumbledore says at the end of the lesson.

Kris sighs. 

*

It's not that Kris doesn't have friends, it's just that he doesn't belong here. It's not the transfer, or his sexuality, it's just that no one quite understands him.

So he finds himself by the lake.

"I know this is stupid, and you probably have to listen to whiny kids all the time… Never mind."

Kris turns to walk away.

_What?_

Kris turns back.

"Dumbledore says that in order to change we have to know ourselves first. But I don't know me. So how am I supposed to change?"

_Well, who do you want to be?_

Kris sits at the edge of the lake, trailing his hand through the water.

"Well, I always loved music, but I'm really into science and stuff. Like studying how spells work and how to reverse them."

_Go on._

"I think it'd be cool to figure out how to turn around curses, or undo Dark magic."

_What about personally?_

"Maybe I'd like to be a little more confident?"

_I know this sounds shallow, but dress better. Trust me. If I've learned anything, people are shallow. Dress like them, and then they'll react to you differently. Instant confidence._

"Wow. You have a lot of good advice. Thank you."

_Thank you. No one talks to me, so it's nice._

"Can I visit again?"

_If you want_

Kris grins. "Yeah. That'd be cool. I've gotta go, or I'll be late for Potions."

_See you later_

*

It doesn't faze Kris that his best friend is a squid. The advice has worked wonders, and Kris finds himself popular with all the girls (and some of the boys too.) But he still visits the squid, because Kris is nothing if loyal.

It's spring when everything changes. NEWTs are coming, and Kris has been studying nonstop. Cynthia, instead of trying to date him, is now trying to set him up with eligible boys she's sure Kris will like.

His life is awesome.

It's a warm April day, unseasonably so for Scotland. The squid doesn't come to the edge of the lake when Kris arrives, so Kris decides to go visit it (him?) instead. He strips down to his underwear and dives in.

He's halfway across when the squid passes underneath.

"Hey," he says, treading water.

The quid freezes and says nothing.

"What's wrong?"

_You. You're barely dressed._

"I didn't strip completely. No one's out here anyway."

_I'm out here_

Kris blinks. "What?"

_I'm out here._

"Oh."

Kris stays there, staring at the squid for a long time. 

"I didn't-I mean-"

_Squids don't live in lakes, moron. I was a wizard once. A lot like you, in fact._

" _Oh_ "

Kris realizes what the squid is saying and blushes. He can't help it. He swims over to it.

"Would it be worse if I told you I thought you were a very beautiful squid?"

_It would be very inappropriate_

"I'm of age."

The squid says nothing, reaches out with a tentacle and strokes Kris's cheek. He shivers, but does not flinch.

_Still inappropriate. Why don't you go get dressed before I change my mind?_

Kris swims back, wondering what it would be like, tentacles and flesh, and finds himself blushing again as he dries off and dresses.

_So a long time ago, I transferred to this school from America. I was young enough to be sorted, into Slytherin. I suppose it was my love of snakes more than anything else. Although I will admit, I could be quite devious. But I was much like you: not confident, unsure, and unremarkable in many ways. I grew into myself after school, and returned to interview for the Defense of the Dark Arts position._

_I met a strange man then, one who confronted me about my relationship with Albus Dumbledore. He was still at the school then, Albus, but we had had a brief affair the summer before I graduated._

_The strange man declared Albus would be his and his alone, grabbed me, and we transported to an older Hogwarts. I realized then he had stolen a Time-Turner, but he cursed me before I could do anything._

_I've been a squid for the last five years. Physically I'm probably about ten years older than you. But I was born many years before that._

"Who cursed you?"

_It does not matter_

"And Dumbledore?"

_Has no idea what happened to me. I assume he thinks I went back to America. I don't want him to know. Please._

"Okay. If you could, would you be human again?"

The squid looks at Kris meaningfully. Kris blushes.

"Do you at least have a name I could call you? Or do you still refuse to tell me?"

_Adam_

Kris smiles. "Adam."

_You should go back now. Please._

Kris nods. "I'll be back."

*

The NEWTs fly by, and soon it's the end of the year. The hour before the train leaves, he makes his way to the lake.

"Hey, Adam. I don't know if you can hear me, but I have to leave soon. But I'll be back. I'll figure out a way for you to be human. I promise."

There is no response. Kris walks away and grabs his things. 

_Ten years later_

Kris stands before the lake. He's snuck onto the Hogwarts grounds, although he's pretty sure Headmaster Dippet would have allowed it.

"Hey Adam."

There is nothing for a few moments, then the water ripples.

_Kris?? Is that you??_

"I told you I'd come back."

_I thought you'd be married by now. Or back in America._

Kris shakes his head. "No. I studied Transfiguration and curses for a long time. Then magical marine biology. I don't think I can cure you. But I think I can possibly help."

_Really? Why?_

Kris crosses his arms. "You helped me get through a really tough time. I have to try."

_Do your worst._

The whole of the incantation takes an hour or so. Nothing happens at first, then a slow fog comes rolling across the lake.

Nothing happens.

"Huh. I thought for sure."

_It's okay. You tried._

"Well then stage two."

_Stage two?_

"See, the thing is, the more I was out in the world, the more I realized the only place I ever felt like I belonged was this lake. Stupid I know. But that's what I think. So if I can't change you, then it's me who has to change."

_Kris?_

Kris begins to strip. He doesn't like wasting good clothing, although he isn't sure what he's going to do with these robes. But he removes them anyway and wades into the lake.

_Kris what are you doing?_

Kris grins and shivers. "Dumbass. I'm coming for you." Kris swims to the squid and touches its face. "Watch this."

He concentrates, and then his whole body changes.

_You're an Animagus!_

_Unregistered, but yes. I figured if I registered, someone would figure out where I was going to. What do you think?_

Kris waits anxiously. He's been waiting ten years of his life for this. Then Adam reaches out and touches him, gently at first. It's just how Kris remembered.

_I think you're beautiful._

_Really? I tried my best to look like you._

_Kris—_

_You know what else I learned while I was gone?_

_What?_

_How to be direct._

Kris swims rather close to Adam, purposely brushing their tentacles together.

_Oh._

_Well are you going to show me the lake, or would you like to do something else_

Adam's response is both inappropriate and satisfying.

*

A few months later, on a completely random day, it's Kris's turn to push someone out of the water. 

_Adam?_

The man is tall, with dark hair, and incredibly hot. "Holy shit. It worked."

Kris swims to the edge and changes back. "I can't believe it. After all this time."

"Maybe it only works a few days out of the year?"

Kris thinks for a minute. "Hmmm I did try to put some time issues into the speel. Must have—"

"If we have limited time, I can think of better ways to spend it," Adam grins suggestively.

"What if a student walks by?"

Adam grabs his hand and Apparates. It's the nearby forest.

"This better?" Adam says as he backs Kris against a tree.

"Much."

Later, there is a cry from some passerby. Kris pretty much ignores it, although he's almost certain it's Dumbledore muttering under his breath.

"That's it, This forest is officially forbidden to students. I can't have them walking in on that."

Kris laughs into Adam's shoulder. "Whoops."

"As for you Allen," Dumbledore's voice carries through the trees. "You better take care of him."

Then the forest is silent.

"Think we should head back to the lake?" Adam asks.

"I don't know, I think we have a little more time."

"Good answer," Adam says, pulling him into another kiss.


End file.
